Monday, February 23, 2009

My Dad

I think about my Dad every day. He passed away on June 25, 2005..a day that I wish never happened. I was lucky enough to see him for Father's Day, 7 days before he left me. As I was leaving my parent's house, my Mom told me to give my Dad an extra hug, just because. I hugged him and squeezed him tight. I can still feel him hugging me back to this day. That was the last time I saw him alive and conscious. I don't know what possessed my Mom to tell me that but I am glad she did..because a week later he was in the hospital in a coma. I was there by his side as he slipped away, but I'm not sure if he knew I was there. 
I wish he was still here for me to talk to, to give me strength as I go through difficult times. I want to tell him about my return to school, and my change of career. I want to ask him about his childhood and his life before I was born. 
I am grateful for the time that we had together, over 40 years..but it still was not enough. I think about him every day and miss him terribly. 
He was a very strong person, a hard worker, and full of love for me and my Mom. He was also very generous..a fact that was reinforced at his wake. Many people came up to me with stories about how he helped them out with cash, food, or just a shoulder to cry on. I was amazed at this other side of him, the one that others saw and now I was privy to. 
I can only hope that his spirit sees me somehow and he is still proud of me and my accomplishments. Towards the end of his life he was full of aches and pains, in and out of the hospital, and I cannot imagine going through what he did. I am not as strong as he was.
My Mom has dealt with his loss very well. I believe that we both gave each other strength in the first days after his passing, and our relationship has grown since those days. That is food for another posting, however. 
I am proud to be my father's daughter...and I realize that the hole in my heart will never heal, but the love that I was given will always be there inside me.
To my Dad, wherever you are: Thank you for being my "Daddy"...I love you.

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