Sunday, November 30, 2008

In Praise of SportsCenter

As most of you know by now, I'm not working due to health issues. Therefore most of my evenings are spent in front of the TV, on the couch. 
I've watched ESPN for a few years now, as Around The Horn and PTI are 2 of my favorite shows. But since my sleep/wake cycle is majorly screwed up, I've begun watching SportsCenter at all hours of the night. Usually my nighttime viewing consists of whatever college football game is on, then I tune in to SportsCenter. It's on all night! You can't beat it!
I would be so much more miserable if it weren't for football and ESPN. 

Today I decided to stop taking one of my meds to see how I felt. This one pill leaves me feeling flat and unemotional. I really have no way of knowing if I'm getting better or not. Today I woke up and figured if I was too anxious later on, I would take that pill. I'm happy to report that I didn't need it, and it's now almost 5:30 pm.
I'm still undecided if I should take my evening dose or not...but as I lie on the couch tonight and watch Sunday Night Football I will be awake and optimistic. And there's always my old friend, SportsCenter, to get me through the late hours.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

To Cut or Not To Cut

My orthopedic surgeon said I was a candidate for surgery...I'm in the process of waiting for an appointment for pre-surgery tests. However, I've been taking a medication that also helps pain. Hence, I no longer have back pain! That is a good thing, but I'm not sure if I should be going for that surgery now. If I stop taking these meds will the pain come back? I'm not ready to quit the meds just may be at least 6-8 months until I don't need them any more. Then what will happen??
I really don't want to be recovering from surgery during the coldest part of the year either. Part of the recovery is walking frequently, not bending or twisting, or sitting. So how am I supposed to put my socks on, and all the layers of clothing so I stay warm outside? Have my mom come over and dress me? 
The only thing I want for Xmas is for my anxiety to go away, and for me to be able to work again, even if it's only part time. My back no longer seems to be an issue.

Auugggghhh!!! I'm SO confused!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008


Well, Barack got elected. He won on the platform of CHANGE. 
I, for one, deeply desire change. I want the economy to get better. I want my back to stop hurting. I want to be happy again. I want to go back to work.
My life truly needs change, and for the better!
I know Barack Obama cannot give me these things I desire...but I will not stop hoping for them to take place.
I go to see an orthopedic surgeon this Monday, hopefully that will show me a light at the end of that tunnel.
I'm one week into my anti depressants, I'm on 1/3 dose since the side effects are killing me. I know they take a few weeks to work but it would be nice to catch a glimpse of the old me, the happy me, the content Magnolia. 
Change cannot come soon enough.