It's OK To Let Go

As I was walking thru the parking lot at work the other day, getting ready to go inside, I heard my name being called. It was one of our long term clients, pulling in for an early appointment. I went over to her car to say hello and was met with two sad faces and a slowly wagging tail.

My heart sank, for I immediately knew what was to come.

Our patient, who was diagnosed with congestive heart failure about a year ago, was not doing well at all. We had been keeping a close eye on him over the last few weeks, as he needed more Lasix than normal and was having a lot of coughing fits. As I petted him and gazed into his sweet Maltese eyes, I heard the owners ask me if I thought it was his time.

We talked about quality of life, the quality of Teddy's life, and life in general. From what they told me I did believe he was suffering and not able to enjoy the things he once was.

I told them I would meet them inside, and hurried inside to punch in and tell the in - window that they were coming.

I escorted them into our Comfort Room. We talked some more, and shared stories of Teddy and his life with this man and woman that loved him so.

My vet came in, and we listened as they described his physical condition. Both their faces searched ours, for a sign that it was time to let him go. Teddy snuggled between them, comforted by their warmth and loving hands as they took turns petting him.

They decided to let him go, to give him peace.

The husband was having an especially hard time coming to terms with this, and even as he watched me walk away with Teddy to place his catheter, his face showed words that he could not say out loud.

The triage techs held Teddy as his catheter was placed, and I gave him some oxygen to make his labored breathing easier for him. I know it did him some good because his tongue color became more pink and he was not struggling.

Finally we brought him back to the Comfort Room and he eagerly went back to his mom's arms. He took up his spot between mom & dad as we began our task that is both caring and painful at the same time.

His dad was telling him how much he loved him and what a good boy he was. Mom was stroking his soft fur and holding back tears.

As my vet sedated him so he could pass peacefully, Teddy did something I've never seen before. As he was slowly relaxing, he seemed to focus for a second and then he lifted his head back up....turned to his dad....and gave him a few kisses, licking his face three times, then settling back down to relax again. His passing was very peaceful after that, as he was loved and petted in his final seconds.

I wiped my tears away, my vet reached over to get a tissue for her eyes, and as silence settled over the room I could not get Teddy's final action out of my head. His dad started to cry in earnest and I said to him, "He wanted to let you know it was OK to let him go, he kissed you to give you strength and love as a lasting memory of him."

I believe he was letting them know that he would be OK, waiting at the Rainbow Bridge until they all met again.

It was the most touching euthanasia I have ever witnessed, and Teddy's memory will stay with me forever.

Rest in Peace...you were loved every much.

A Cobweb Site

That is what this blog is turning into...going from a web site to a cobweb site because I haven't written in almost a month. Either my life is very boring or very busy.

I will choose the latter, in between studying for my vet tech degree and learning more about Wicca I don't have much free time. Nor has the urge to write grabbed me.

I'm wrong there. I was pondering creating a new blog to document the exploits of my recently expanded Mini Schnauzer family, as I've adopted 2 more girls. That brings the number of terriers in my house to 3. I was only supposed to take one but couldn't choose between them, and my husband was pressuring me to keep them both.

I'm glad I did.

So I'm sure I could fill up a blog pretty regularly with photos and tales of their exploits. I'm going to let the idea simmer a bit and see if I can fit it into my busy day.

Drama at ShopRite

My mom and I took our monthly food shopping trip the other day. It actually was about 2 months since we had been shopping, so I had the world's largest list. I had almost no food in my house and I also needed mundane things like mayonnaise, ketchup, soap, etc.

By the time we got to aisle 5 the cart was almost full. (We start at aisle 1 and go up & down every one.)

By the time we got to aisle 10 I told my mom to get another cart.

Bear in mind, it was Saturday, so the store was quite full. As we maneuvered our carts up and down the aisles, checking items off our list....it happened.

My mom accidentally "ran over" someone's ankles with her cart. She never learned to drive a car, so it's safe to say that she doesn't have a lot of experience driving much of anything. We've all been "run over" at the supermarket--someone behind us bangs our poor ankles with the little bumper thingy on the bottom of the cart. Usually the one hit turns around and gives a death glare to the one who hit you, and that is that.

This time was different. The man that my mom ran over turned around and yelled "For Christ's sakes, lady! That's the second time I got hit in this store today, watch where the hell you're going!"

I was all ready to tell the man to stop yelling at my poor old mom.....when I realized...and my mom did too......that the man she ran over was none other than Chuck "The Bayonne Bleeder" Wepner.

Needless to say, we kept our mouths shut. It truly was an accident, and she was all ready to apologize, but when he started yelling it took us by surprise, and he walked away before she could get the apology out.

The rest of our shopping trip passed without incident. 20 grocery bags were loaded into my car and we were off.

It's always a fun day with mom!

Writing Pluses and Minuses

This month will be over before we know it! I'm pretty disappointed in the fact that there are only 2 posts for January. I suppose it's a combination of not thinking I have interesting things to blog about, combined with the fact that my free time is spent studying.

A few weeks ago I had considered the idea of writing a book...and I see that if I ever did go through with it I would have to be done with school. How anyone writes and works full time is beyond me. Of course, there is a lot more research I would have to do before I even attempted to pull this off. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to actually write the book before getting an agent or publisher, or get them first and then be under the gun to produce.

Knowing me, I'd rather have the thing written to avoid stress.

That being said, I will have to work on blogging more. I'm sure interesting things happen at work all the time but I see it all day long so I don't consider it blog-worthy.

I'm studying 2 subjects right now, one class should be done in a few months and then I will have a whole new area to blog about. I don't want to say anything about it now, but I'm very excited to be learning new things. I feel much more complete inside.

Big Brother Is Watching

One of my favorite novels is "1984" by George Orwell. I remember reading it many times and being thankful that I did not live in such a dystopia. I felt sorry for the main characters and wondered what life would be like having someone watching my every move.

This world is rapidly approaching that concept.

I found out from my husband that there are red light cameras stationed on many of the traffic signals along my route to work. I never noticed them, but this morning I made sure to check as I commuted.

There they were! I was dismayed to see them, for that means I have to be extra careful as I travel along to work. I cannot scoot through a yellow light like I have done in the past. I know it's all done for safety, but I can't help thinking that this is only the beginning. There are cameras in elevators, cameras in the stairwells at my job, cameras at ATM's and fast food restaurants, and major cities like New York and Philadelphia have them on a lot of street corners to observe and record activities 24 hours a day.

We are told they are there to "keep us safe". When will the authorities take the next step and start making these cameras more intrusive? We are already told we cannot talk on the phones in our car, we must wear our seat belts as we drive, bike helmets are required...I could go on and on. Are we so fragile and incompetent that we need laws for everything? How did the general public function before all these laws were in place?

When did privacy become a premium?

I realize that these camera were put up originally at high accident intersections to either keep everyone honest, or, failing that, be able to determine the perpetrator of an accident that was caused by careless driving. But what is the reason for cameras on every corner? I can only think it's becoming an easy way for a town to make easy money by snaring the unsuspecting occasional yellow light scofflaw. It is too easy to make the jump from 1 camera in town to multiple sites, then to more intrusive ways to spy on the public.

I prefer to live my life in relative anonymity. I certainly do not want to end up like Winston Smith, the hero of 1984.

What are your thoughts on this?

Rainy Days Are The Best

You would think that with an interesting job like mine I would be blogging every day. I suppose I probably could come up with a short story about an interesting patient or weird client on a daily basis, but I prefer quality over quantity.

Plus I don't have a lot of free time. I do get ideas of what I want to write about and then when I get to the computer it's all out of my head, or I second guess myself and feel that it's not that interesting.

As I sit here today and wonder what to write about (I felt guilty that I've only posted once this month so I'm forcing myself) it's pouring rain outside. All the snow that fell earlier is melted and the entire world is wetter than you could possibly imagine.

I love rainy, windy days. When I wake up and the sky is gray and rain is in the forecast I can feel my spirit lift. The sound of rain on the roof is very soothing to me, and I can drift off to sleep easily.

I found this picture the other day and added it to another one of my websites. This describes me perfectly! Wind & rain outside, I'm warm and dry inside, reading and having a cup of tea.

I used to work outdoors and even then I just bundled myself up and got rained on. It is, after all, only water.

I enjoy water in all forms. One of my favorite summer activities is to float around the "lazy river" at my local water park. I always say--if I was rich I would create my own lazy river in my backyard.

Swimming pools and hot tubs beckon me as well. I can remember swimming in my own pool when I was very young. I would spend countless hours splashing and floating in the water, completely at peace.

Come to think of it, that is how I feel now, with the rain pelting down around me.

I don't get depressed and wish for sunshine, as I know that will come after the rain is done. I enjoy all types of weather, but most of all, I'm thankful for life giving rain.

A Little Girl Lost Her Companion

A young girl lost her companion today, a dog named Jake.

Amid all the hustle and bustle of the season, the mad dash for presents, the brightly colored lights, and the cold air swirling around us all...time stopped for a moment.

It stopped for a dog named Jake, who was possibly 12, or 13 years old. His age is immaterial, because no matter the number the story still ends the same way.

Time stopped for this little girl, who accompanied her old friend to the clinic to wish him goodbye. She was blind to the gaily colored lights and Christmas decorations...because her eyes were full of tears and her heart was breaking.

As they wheeled her beloved pet in on a gurney, he was bundled up snugly against the cold, but he was still shivering. Perhaps he knew the journey that lay before him. He most certainly took comfort from the gentle hands stroking him as the gurney trundled along.

Time slowed down along with his heart and his breathing as my vet helped him depart this world, full of Christmas hopes and wishes, blinking lights and falling temperatures.

He passed surrounded by love, petted by the small hand of a little girl who will always remember this Christmas, not for what it has given, but what it has taken away.

A young girl lost her friend today.

Some Things Change, Some Things Stay The Same

In my previous post I wrote that I was not satisfied with an essay I was writing for a school contest. I finally gave up and sent it in.

I won.

When I got the email notifying me that I was the winner, I danced all around my house with my laptop. I yelled so loud I hurt my throat. I felt so wonderful that my writing was prize-worthy.

At least one thing turned out right this month. Money is still very tight and so is my back, for that matter. I'm seeing a chiropractor and she tells me that it will be a slow but steady recovery.

I still have NOT gotten my car back either...the body shop keeps telling me "the middle of next week" every time I call. That was about a month ago. I'm really hoping to get my car back before Christmas at this rate.

Of course, the Christmas season is in full swing right now. Thanksgiving was barely over before I began to get inundated with commercials exhorting me to buy and buy.

And what is the deal with Black Friday? Some stores were open on Thanksgiving, others opened up at 3 or 4 AM...and people were lining up around the block waiting to get in.

I know the day after Thanksgiving is traditionally a shopping day, but it seemed like this year the shopping and sales trampled over our quest to give thanks.

That's a change I don't like.

There is one change I'm looking forward to: a trip to Atlantic City in the near future. I have not returned there since my back gave out last year. I'm looking forward to my comped room and a great massage from the spa. And let's not forget The Pool, which is one of my favorite places ever.

Perhaps a New Year will bring some better things my way. I can only wait and see.

Sometimes I Get Discouraged

Usually my posts are happy and pleasant in nature....not so today. I'm feeling very discouraged and down today. I'm upset because I have money issues and my husband is unemployed. My paycheck is not enough to cover all our bills. He's been looking for work, but things are just not working out for him at this time.

I'm sad because I still don't have my car back from the shop where it has been since early September, when I got T-boned by a driver that "didn't see me". It sustained $15,000 worth of damage and since it's a 2010 parts are not readily available. So I've been making car payments on something that I'm not even using.

I'm frustrated because I'm trying to write an essay for a school contest and want to give my best effort, but I'm not happy with what I've written and the deadline is looming.

I'm irritated because my back is stiff and sore, even with the physical therapy, and I thought a few months ago I was on the road to recovery...until my accident.

Don't get me wrong, I still love my job and my life...I just have some issues that are weighing heavily on my mind now and I just wish the road ahead would be smoother.

I guess I just have to give things some time to work out.

Confidence

It takes a lot of confidence to be a vet tech. You have to assure yourself you will hit the vein every time you need blood, be able to restrain that 100 lb Rottweiler so your vet stays safe, and convey a positive attitude to a stressed out client that their pet is in good hands.

Vet techs have to repeat this confidence hour after hour, patient after patient. We cannot be scared of claws and teeth, or worry about dehydrated pets' invisible veins, or doubt our calculations when drawing up medication. It is definitely not a job for a shrinking violet!

My vet likens my job to that of a cruise director...keeping clients happy while they are waiting (and waiting) for their appointment, juggling patients (ok, I'll draw that blood on this patient while you clip the nails for the cat in the other room) while remembering to return phone calls and keep the paperwork moving smoothly along.

I always thought of myself as pretty confident, but since I've become a tech I've stepped it up a notch. I have confidence in my ability to help my vet do the best job that we can do, day after day. I know I may not hit the vein every time, but nobody does that. I keep on going, knowing I'm an integral part of that well oiled machine that is my vet hospital.

And at the end of the day I'm confident that I helped pets and their owners feel better.

I love what I do.

Vet Tech Thoughts

It's a strangely unsettling feeling to have clients shake your hand and thank you after euthanizing their beloved pet. Yet this is a regular occurrence at my job. My vet performs euthanasia fairly regularly, and it never gets easier. The one thought I hold in my mind is that we are giving the old or sick pet a final gift, to end their suffering.

Clients see how we care for their dog or cat, and how we give them a last dignified moment. That is where the "thank you" comes in.

Thinking back, I thanked my vet for caring for both of my Greyhounds when the end of their days came. I suppose the gratitude comes from knowing their suffering has finally ended, and they are at peace.

We had a very sick senior pet at the clinic yesterday. We discovered that he had some masses on his spleen, and one on his lung. The dog was clearly depressed, unable to eat, and was vomiting. The owner chose euthanasia rather than submit his dog to surgery, which I think was the correct choice.

We cared for him with dignity and love, as we always do. As I escorted the bereaved clients out of the hospital they stopped to shake my hand and thank me for all my help. I told them I was sorry for their loss.

I had a mix of emotions inside me: sorrow for the clients, relief that the pet's suffering was finally over, and anticipation of our next appointment..where I would get another chance to make a difference in an animal's life.

As it turned out, that appointment was an ailing cat that had not been eating. I had opened a small can of cat food earlier in the day, as a treat to a Siamese cat that had come in for a well visit.

I offered this sick kitty a small portion of food. A few minutes later she had cleaned the plate! The clients thanked me and I felt a warm glow as I gave the cat some more food and she continued to eat.

The simple things at my job give me pleasure; and hopefully I can continue to make pets' lives better by continuing those simple things...a meal for a kitty, caring words for bereaved clients, and above all, love and compassion for those who cannot ask for it.

Some Things I'm Thankful For

There is a lot to be said about daily affirmations. They can cheer you up. help you keep a goal in sight, or just serve to remind you of what is good in your life. I'm thinking about some good stuff in my life right now:

I'm glad I work where I do, the hospital has a large and varied case load so I'm never bored.

I'm thankful for my vet and the close personal relationship I have with her..she is my intellectual companion as well as a mentor and friend.

I'm thankful that my Mom is in good health.

I'm happy to have a best friend that is always there for me, ready to dispense advice and words of wisdom.

I'm glad my hair is short, as I don't have to spend endless hours fussing over it before I leave the house.

I'm glad I have a mini Schnauzer girl who welcomes me home and snuggles up to me on chilly nights.

I'm happy to be married to the man that I have...he has nursed me through bad times and cheered me on through good times.

I'm grateful to myself for making a career change, because I'm the happiest I've ever been at work.

Finally, I'm glad to be me. I'm at the age where there is a definite generation gap going on, but I would not want to be young in this world. I'm content to be the age that I am, with the knowledge that I possess.

It's definitely the little things in life that makes you happy.

Another Compliment

Anyone who knows me thinks of me as an "animal person" but not necessarily a "cat person". That being said, I believed that I was violently allergic to cats for many years and subsequently avoided them. Of course, working as a vet tech requires you to handle cats on a daily basis. After cautiously approaching my first hands on cat encounter a year ago, I found that I can handle the fur without incident. Of course, I'm still very respectful of felines, as they have claws, teeth, and a temperament that can change without warning.

While I was doing my externship I had an opportunity to handle 2 Bengal felines. They were gorgeous! I started seeing cats in a new light, and felt more comfortable handling them. When I went back to work at my vet hospital, I brought my new found courage with me. My vet is very understanding of my (sometimes) hesitation to restrain cats and she works in conjunction with me so the client's vet visit is seamless & trouble free.

The other day we had to examine 2 cats from a rescue society. One was feral and the clients expressed their concerns to us, and even suggested sedating this cat so we could draw blood and clip the nails without worrying if we would get bitten or clawed. I suggested to them that we try to handle the cat first, before choosing drugs, to see how "bad" the cat would be.

My vet grabbed a towel, and I turned the trap on end so the kitty would slide out onto our exam table. We rolled the cat up in the towel, so she could still breathe, but her head was covered and we were protected. I restrained the cat while we slowly took each paw and clipped her long claws. We soothed the cat as we worked by talking to her in a gentle voice. She laid there quietly. The clients marveled at how my vet & I worked as a team, without stressing the cat. We were able to pull blood from her and finally she was able to go back into a carrier.

No fur flew, and no felines were harmed in the making of this appointment. Our clients were amazed and thanked my vet profusely for handling her with care. They then turned to me and told me what a good tech I was and that I had a great technique for handling cats.

In my mind I shouted "No! I'm still scared!" even as I thanked the clients for their kind words.

Their words gave me confidence to take with me the next time I have to handle a feral cat. I know that working with my vet sets my mind at ease and we can overcome any problem together.

I always love my job, but I get an extra special feeling when I get to help an animal who might otherwise have had a bad experience at the vet, and it's always good when client notices how hard we work.

It was a good day.

Rojo Loco Restaurant

The other day I went out with my BFF to a new restaurant. He had seen this place in a strip mall close to his bank and suggested we try it. The first thing that struck me when we walked in was the piles upon piles of FREE magazines offered to customers. The waitress told me that a local 7-11 or whatever has to throw them out if not sold past a certain date, and they take them and give them away. I walked out with Glamour, Redbook, Marie Claire, In Touch, a hairstyles magazine, a football preview magazine, and a few others. There were plenty more there, such as Sports Illustrated, Elle, Maxim, Star, etc. And the free mags weren't even the best part!

The menu had so much stuff on it I was not sure what to order. As luck would have it, the first items we ordered were not available, and the waitress ( who was really quite helpful & nice) advised us those items were going to be taken off the menu due to lack of interest. We were interested in those meals, but we were out of luck.

I then decided to order a chicken quesadilla and small salad. My friend ordered steak fajitas.

The salad dressing was a lime cilantro that was the best I've ever had!! And the plate of quesadillas that I received was easily twice the portion I've gotten at another restaurant. I literally could only eat half my meal (which was fine since I had the leftovers for lunch at work the next day). The fajitas were served with a delicious spicy rice that was not too "hot", spice-wise. That was perfect, since I don't like a lot of heat with my meals.

Since our original menu choices were not available the manager offered us dessert on the house.

No problem there!

We got a generous portion of chocolate lava cake, served warm with cool whip dollops here & there.

I ate ALL my dessert.

The waitress said she hoped we liked our first visit, and encouraged us to return even though we had some speed bumps when we first placed our order. I assured her that the food was great and I would be returning to sample other menu items.

When we received our bill we were flabbergasted. This giant meal cost us less than a smaller portioned meal at Moes (another favorite haunt of mine). It was a no brainer to make the choice to return to the Rojo-Loco Southwestern Grill. Their address is 4809 Route 9 North in Howell, NJ. They are located in the Lanes Mill Market Place, next to Barnes & Noble.

Try it, you won't be sorry!

My First Week Of Work

It turns out all the fears I had about going back to work were mostly unfounded! I made it through an entire week without incident, found a new way to drive to the hospital, remembered how to use the computer software (mostly) and was welcomed back heartily by everyone. There was not a day that went by without someone coming up to me and saying how happy they were to have me back, or how happy my vet was to get me back! Last night as I was leaving I told my vet "I'm not sure if I can get out the door, my head's so big" and we laughed about that.

There is so much good stuff about me being back at my old hospital.

I got to place a U-cath for the first time, thanks to my vet being patient and walking me through it; I was shown how to restrain a seagull that was being examined (seagulls have exquisitely soft feathers on their little heads!); I drew blood from a fractious cat and that did wonders for my self confidence; I ausculted a heart murmur in a Maltese; and it's wonderful to be back in scrubs again!

It was like I never left. My vet and I were laughing and sharing stories from the very first hour we started working together, and I fell right back into the swing of loading patients, taking history, and the like. Of course there were some cute puppies and kittens to pet and love...you can't have a better job than mine!

My horoscopes this week have been quite relevant to my situation (I know they are random but they made a lot of sense this week).

From 9/3: Work gives you a sense of purpose. It's good to know people appreciate your efforts.

from 9/4: Fretting over finances has become something of an obsession. You will get on top of things.

I still have to get used to getting up early, and my body has to adjust to all the physical demands I'm putting on it. It's been a long time since I was sprawled out on the floor cutting nails and drawing blood.

All in all, things are going well right now, and I'm very happy. Everything happens for a reason, and now more than ever I see how that is true.

Going back to work was a great birthday present for me.