Thursday, December 18, 2008

Random Thoughts

I went to my doctor today for a follow up visit. He said I was looking better than when he saw me last time, and told me I would need a few more months (!) on my meds to really be back to my old happy self. 
He also told me that it was normal for me to be impatient to get better, since I am having a good day here & there, when the bad days come I get very sad & think I will never be ok. He told me it's normal to think like that and to have positive thoughts. I am working on those.

I've been feeling a bit....not jealous, but a little envious lately. I know that is not a good thing to feel, but sometimes I can't help it. I notice my friend's blogs and they are better than mine. My horses are not racing well, and other horses are. Lots of people have money and I don't. Hell, people have great lives and aren't depressed! That's one thing I DO have..depression. And those envious thoughts. I will have to work on banishing them too.

My last random thought is that everyone in NJ is going to be thrown into a tizzy tomorrow, due to the snow that is supposed to be coming. I'm not going to worry, if there is snow then I will try to enjoy it. One thing that I am enjoying is the Xmas lights on display throughout my town, it gives a festive air about it. I must be getting better because last week the lights didn't do a THING for me. 


Tara said...

Hi Sweetie,
Your dr. is right.. it IS normal for you to feel those things, albeit not healthy in your mind, it is ok.
Remember how i was?
I bought a book when i was "sort of" coming out of my depression. It makes you look at the positive side of the illness.. About as close as i can explain it - a rebirth. a down time for lack of a better phrase- a cleansing. Laugh at yourself when you cry.. it's the best thing, i did.. it made for funny moments lol.
If the weather gets better this week maybe i'll drive the book down for you to dabble in.. it's not a very big book. YOU can finish it in an hour lol. But it did help me through it and to look at it in a different way. and sometimes that's all you need is a different way to look at it.
As for money.. yes, it sucks not having it, but that just makes you not take for granted what others do, be thankful for that.
I love you girl.
Be well

JayMonster said...

I think I said something simiar, though perhaps opposite. Yes you have good days, but that is not time to play with meds. Healing takes time.

Envy? Jealousy? Why bother? No matter how rich you are, there is somebody with more money. No matter how good a writer you are, there is always somebody else better. But concurrently there is always somebody not as well off as you are.

Yule is the end of darkness and the turning towards the light. Better and brighter days are ahead, and you will be back to your old self again.

But like getting from Winter Solstice to Spring Equinox... it will take some time. Don't rush it... you'll get there. And personally, I can't wait to see when you do.