The following is an OLD post that I wrote in 2006, on a blog that I'm no longer posting to. (and yes Mom, I know you shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition but I did..so move on~)
This person is obviously no longer my mentor, and I'm happy to report that I have a new one..one worthy of admiration, one who doesn't mind to teach me and answer my questions. I'm much happier with life now, and feel grateful that circumstances have brought us together.
So today's thing to think about is: have you ever looked up to someone and were terribly disappointed? Did you question your own judgement? Do you even HAVE a mentor or a hero?
Comments are always welcomed--
Here you go:
I must be pretty naive..but I always thought that a role model was someone to look up to and admire. You know, maybe a teacher in high school, or a mentor at your job. I had mentors in my younger days, but for a long while I just went about my life hero-less, as it were. Then along came someone who was smart, organized and worthy ( or so I thought) of admiration, even emulation!
Recently I had come to discover that this person that I viewed as a "hero" turned out to be a serious disappointment. Actions transpired that made me realize that this person is not only ordinary, but truly unworthy of praise and adoration. This comes not without a price...my feelings were crushed and my world was rocked! I never realized how much a rude awakening could hurt! I question my own judgement in putting this person on a pedestal and wonder why people have to turn out to be jerks. These actions were morally wrong, possibly heinous, reprehensible, and certainly damaging. When I approached this person about what had just taken place I was told that it was none of my business (I was THERE as a witness so I think it was) and that I should make sure my own house was clean before I started judging others. This person is supposed to be "better" than me, I am an ordinary person leading a pedestrian life. I don't deliberately set out to accomplish what this person did. This was premeditated. This person waited around for others to leave before settling down to the task. I tried to talk them out of it to no avail.
I was so upset, both at #1: this person being such a scum and opening my eyes to the questionable moral makeup and #2: the actions perpetrated by this person during the incident. I cried myself to sleep!
I tried speaking to this person about this, and as I mentioned before, I was told to keep out of it. I was not judging, I just thought I would give my opinion on it. I am grateful I was there, because I kept saying "enough is enough" with tears in my eyes and finally diverted this person away from continuing the hateful activities. If I were not there it would have continued on until this person was satisfied with his actions. From the looks of it, it would have been a long while.
Don't get me wrong here, no one was raped or given drugs, there wasn't a MURDER committed..but certainly if I gave details you would be horrified and question this person's whole gestalt. The actions were morally reprehensible and I am thoroughly disgusted.
And the worst part about it, is that I was the only witness to it all. If it ever came to light I would be the whistle blower, and there would be repercussions to me and my environment. That disgusts me as well.
I can only hope karma steps in and takes care of this person..given the personality and attitude this person has, perhaps it's already happening....but I'm just so heart sick right now....
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2 comments:
Hey let's put another cliche up here. "We all have clay feet". Man will constantly let us down. Even the so called greatest among us do very horrible things. I love biographies and in them you see some of the basest things that man can do. And now you've seen that in another person maybe someone you admired and mistakenly thought was better than you ( knowing you Magnolia, I find that hard to believe ).
I guess the point is, is that we're all bozos on the bus. I'd get theological here but I'll save that for another time. You know sometimes, you'll find compassion, empathy, mercy and love from the last place that you'd expect it. There's a reason for the word "disillusioned". It exists. We've all "been had" at one time or another. In the meantime dwell on the good things whatever is pure, lovely, praiseworthy.
Here's one circa 2002
The wind is blowing autumnal, a tree in the distance
green and gold, the color of my favorite football team that just won last night.
I'm sitting in one of those famous bookstores that begin with the letter B. No, not that one, the other one.
And I wish I were in New England where the leaves turn early, and it seems we'll have an early
autumn here.
But yo never know. Solitude and lonely swallow beautiful in the fall
This next poem was inspired by a friend's black and white pics of the Asbury Park boardwalk:
Down in the ghost town framed in black and white
The broken sign said "ot ing gallery" beneath fluorescent lights
a giant pizza next to Andy's Bait and tackle overlooking an
obviously round ramshackle forgotten carousel not too far down
from the Flamingo Motel
The words emblazoned skooter ride on the wall behind the fence
The parking meters stand like lonely matchsticks void of any cents
Every picture tells a story framed in white and black
of a candy colored dream that's nevfer coming back
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