Rest In Peace, Heidi Q

Two years ago today was one of the saddest days of my life. That was the day I had to say goodbye to my beloved greyhound Heidi Q. She was 15 and 1/2. That is pretty old for a greyhound, but I still wish I had more time with her.

She was my first greyhound, my "heart" dog. I loved her more than I thought possible. Because of her I started volunteering with my local greyhound adoption program. I met many fabulous people. At my wedding, the majority of the guests were "greyhound people". I fostered greyhounds, in all shapes and sizes. 

I reveled in Heidi's quirky behavioral traits, like when she would see me eating and get close to me and then sit (yes, she loved to sit!) and wait for me to share. She would run circles around my coffee table, like a miniature track. She loved the cold weather ( I found out she came from New Hampshire. That made sense.) and would run and play in the snow. 

She had a pretty good racing career, as she came to me when she was 3 and 1/2. I was told she sustained a racing injury that ended her days at the track. For all her aches and pains, however, she still loved to run, and she was quite fast!

Heidi Q hated her crate. When she was told to "go in your crate" she would bark and grumble and wheedle at me not to put her in. Of course, all that cuteness won out! 

Heidi and my other greyhound girl, GiGi, were faithful attendees to Greyhounds Reach The Beach at Dewey Beach, DE for many years. Heidi loved to run on the sand and jump into the ocean. 

As Heidi Q reached the twilight of her years, she slowed down, struggling to rise from her "sit" or when she was lying down. Towards the end she could not get up at all without aid. I did not mind helping her up to go outside, or feeding her as she lay on her dog bed. She was still happy and her quality of life was good. 

One day after I had taken her outside, she started having trouble breathing. She was diagnosed with laryngeal paralysis years ago, so I was used to the coughing and gasping at times, but this was different. She appeared to be panicking. I soothed her and spoke to her, after all, there was nothing else I could do. In a few minutes her breathing evened out and she calmed down. 

I was concerned at this new development. What should I do? She was ok for the rest of the day, until it was time to go out again. Once again she panicked and couldn't breathe. 

It was at that moment I realized I had to say goodbye. I could not stand by and watch her struggle to breathe every time she had to go outside. I still do not know why she had this problem, as she was fine when she was lying down. 

With a heavy heart I called my vet. In tears, I told them I needed to bring her by for a last visit. The appointment was made for the next day, March 19, 2007. 

That night I put Heidi on my futon bed and slept with her by my side, as we used to do when I first got her. I spoke to her and petted her all night. She snuggled up close to me, as I think she knew what was coming. 

You cannot stop time, and the morning came quick enough. Our appointment was for 2 pm, so I did have some more time with her to take pictures and give her more love. 

My husband carried her into the vet's office wrapped up in her favorite blanket. As the vet came into the room, she lifted her head up and looked at him, as if to say, "thank you for granting me peace". 

I held her and told her she was a good girl. She passed away quietly, in my arms. 

On the ride home I felt as if my heart had been broken irreparably. Why did I have to love her so much? I felt terribly guilty for the times I had yelled at her or was angry with her. I should have treated her better!

I later learned that guilt is the main emotion, after sadness, that a pet owner feels after euthanasia. I was told to remember the good times, and understand that since I forgave Heidi for her transgressions (like peeing in the house, eating the remote control and my sunglasses!) she always forgave ME for the times I may have yelled at her. Slowly I came out of my depression and realized that GiGi was still there for me to love and care for. 

It was soon after that when I realized I wanted to become a veterinary technician and help other pets live a healthy life. 

I gave my Heidi Q a final gift: a peaceful end to a good life lived, and she in turn gave me yet another gift~ambition to return to school and make a life change.

The pain has dulled a bit, but I still think of my girl every day. She will always be alive in my memory.

Resquiescat In Pace, Heidi Q

The Cable Went Out

Last night I was ensconced in front of the TV per usual. It was just after midnight and I had SportsCenter on (shocker there). All of a sudden the picture flickered and then the screen went blank. I flipped to another channel to see if maybe ESPN had fallen victim to a studio fire or something....no picture on the Weather Channel either. Hmmm. I went to the computer, as my internet provider is my cable company, and....nothing. The cable was firmly and undeniably OUT.

I called them to see what was happening and was told "we are doing routine maintenance, the problem should be fixed by 6 am."

6 AM?!? It's 12:30 now! What am I going to do?!?! (of course, GO TO BED was not an option. This is why I can't get OUT of bed before noon.)

I looked around the living room, bereft and adrift. My husband was sleeping on the other couch, the schnauzer was sleeping on my couch, the greyhound was sleeping (see a pattern here?) on her bed in front of the now useless TV. 

Maybe I should follow their lead and go to sleep myself? Naah, I wasn't tired yet. I couldn't even surf the Internet!

As I sat on the couch nonplussed, I realized there was only one option (other than the normal thing, sleep) for me. I grabbed my copy of A Few Seconds Of Panic by Stefan Fatsis. It is a true story about a journalist that becomes a kicker for the Denver Broncos. I settled back on the couch, arranged the blanket over me, and started to read. 

When my eyelids grew heavy I figured it was time to finally go to bed. It was after 1 am, which is my usual bedtime. I hoped the book would make me sufficiently sleepy so as not to toss & turn until the wee hours. I also marveled at how dependent upon the TV I had become, and hoped that it would be back on for me to watch tomorrow night. 

As promised, when I got up today (at 11:45 am) the TV was up and running.

Thank goodness!

Haiku

One of the more interesting aspects of Twitter is that you can do a search for certain keywords, and then be linked up to tweets corresponding to that word. For instance, if you type #oneword, all the resulting tweets will be a single, usually esoteric, word. I typed in #haiku and was rewarded with pages & pages of the familiar poetry. (Haiku is a japanese form of non rhyming poetry that consists of 3 lines, with the 1st & 3rd line having 5 syllables and the 2nd line having 7 syllables.)

I have always enjoyed haiku; it's easy to write yet challenging also. The writer must convey a picture for the reader in only 3 short lines. 

I made a resolution to put one haiku on my twitter page every chance that I get. With that being said, I composed 5 haikus over the course of the day yesterday. The 5-7-5 composition makes it hard to say certain things; therefore my mind is challenged to convey my thoughts using different words or imagery. 

You can see some of my work on my twitter page. Feel free to comment.

http://twitter.com/aylah234

        

Nothing To Blog About

Nothing really happens in my life from day to day. I get up, eat breakfast, shower, get on the computer, walk the dogs, eat lunch, put the TV on at 4:30 to start the Required Daily Allowance of ESPN viewing, eat dinner, watch more TV and then get to bed in the wee hours of the morning. 

As you can see, it's hard to get something worthy to blog about. It just struck me that my dogs have the same kind of life. Except they sleep a lot more than me, and eat less. Jury is still out on whether they like ESPN as much as I do. 

I envy their ability to fall asleep instantly. And they are just as quick to get up if I ask the magic question "do you want to go OUT?". It takes me forever to get to sleep, and it's just as hard to get up in the morning (even if it's 11:30, when I usually rise).

So I apologize if there are no new blogs from time to time. Once I get back to work or school I'm sure there will be many interesting things going on. But for now....there is nothing to blog about.

I'm Loving Twitter

As you can see if you check the right hand side of my blog page, I have joined the twitteriffic world of Twitter. It's yet another social networking site that keeps you up to date on what your friends are doing. You "follow" others and they "follow" you, so whatever you write is seen by your followers. You can post anything from the sublime to the ridiculous on Twitter. Some of the posts are really funny, others mundane (hey, just like a blog). The idea is to convey a thought using 140 characters or less. I believe the proper name for the posts is "micro-blogging". The colloquial name is "tweet".

You can post from your phone, your computer...anywhere.

I must admit, since I've joined, the urge to tweet comes over me quite often. 

Last night I was watching Around The Horn. I'm a follower of the show on Twitter...and the host will tweet during commercial breaks about what just transpired on the show. It's like an additional layer of inside information.

I can see where all this updating can cause mental overload, however. By the end of the night I was ready to put the phone and the computer and the TV aside for some quiet reading. 

So now I'm completely in tune with these modern times. I have a MySpace and FaceBook page; I blog, and I tweet. 

What else will they think of next?

Scan Your Own

Yesterday I was visiting my Mom. One of our usual activities is going food shopping together; I can carry heavy things for her since she is older and doesn't drive, and she helps me with the cost of my groceries since I'm unemployed.

Our regular store was undergoing renovations so she directed me to a Stop N Shop in another part of town. I have never been to this particular brand of store, so I was very surprised to see the new twist on grocery shopping that they were touting. As soon as you walk in to this "super" market (the store was huge) there was a girl exhorting us to scan our own shopping. This was sort of like the checkout counters where you do the work that the cashier is supposed to be doing...but much more fun.

I was given a small hand held scanner and taught how to use it. Basically the premise is if everyone scans their own stuff as they put it into the cart, checkout will be much faster. You can delete things out of your cart easily and also see a running total as you go. 

The shopping trip went like this: walk down aisle--pick up package of rolls--scan barcode--put in bag. Pick up milk--scan barcode--put in bag. It was really awesome to see the item description and price pop up on the screen. When I told my Mom that the cheese she just picked out was $6.99, she asked if we could "put it back". 

No problem. There was a "remove" button on the scanner. Just hit that button, scan item you want to put back and VOILA! it's done.

Up and down the aisles we went, choosing our stuff. The only downside of this store was that ground beef, 80% lean, was $4.99/lb.

$4.99!!!! ShopRite sells it for $1.99 or maybe $2.29.....there was no way I was going to be buying any meat at this place. 

I guess those little scanners have to be paid for somehow.

At the end of our trip, we went to a checkout line, and scanned an "end order" barcode. The items were then printed onto a receipt and the total popped up on the register. We paid the bill and off we went. 

I can see where this scan your own thing may not be everyone's cup of tea, but it made shopping more fun for us. If you are on a budget you can control your spending by keeping your eye on the running total of the items in your cart. You can even save money by noting the "coupons" and specials that pop up on the screen when you are not scanning items. And of course saving time by having your groceries all bagged & ready to go in the trunk doesn't hurt either. 

All in all, another fun day spent with my Mom!

I'm Disgusted!

I just received an email from the vet hospital where I was SUPPOSED to start my externship last week. Apparently the powers that be have decided that my school requires "too much" documentation and proof for them. The upshot is that sorry, I can't have you do your externship here. Sorry, that you spent your precious money on scrubs that we asked you to buy before you could start your externship. Sorry, that you will now have to spend more precious money that you don't have because you are not working, on an extension for your semester, because since you can't do your externship here, you have to locate another vet hospital that wants you. Sorry, we really tried hard for you but we just can't have our policies violated like that. 

SORRY!!!!

Right now "sorry" isn't cutting it for me. I was really looking forward to doing my externship, some intelligent conversation, some educational activities, a reason to get out of bed in the morning. 

I'm pretty disgusted. Now I have to start the process over again from the beginning and hope that another hospital doesn't find my school's requirements too strenuous.

This does not bode well for a happy March.

A Few Hours Of Friendship

On the spur of the moment, I spent a few hours with a friend that I have known since high school. We've reconnected on FaceBook, the source of all things from the past.....prior to that I had seen him a few years ago at his Dad's wake. Needless to say, neither of us were not very chatty that day. 

Today we calculated that the last time we really hung out together was 27 years ago! I can't wrap my mind around the fact that I know someone for that long of a time. 

You know how sometimes you hang with a person and there are awkward silences, or stilted conversation? There was none of that today. After we talked for a few moments, it was like hanging out back in the day..comfortable, interesting, fun. We both learned new things about each other, and talked about our past also. Even though it was only for a couple hours, it was time well spent. I am grateful for friends in my life, and flattered that I am a person that these people want to spend time with. 

Even though life gets in the way of making many plans, it is nice to enjoy friendship when the planets align. 

As we said our goodbyes, we promised not to wait another 27 years to meet up again. I'm sure that will be a promise that is easy to keep.

My Dad

I think about my Dad every day. He passed away on June 25, 2005..a day that I wish never happened. I was lucky enough to see him for Father's Day, 7 days before he left me. As I was leaving my parent's house, my Mom told me to give my Dad an extra hug, just because. I hugged him and squeezed him tight. I can still feel him hugging me back to this day. That was the last time I saw him alive and conscious. I don't know what possessed my Mom to tell me that but I am glad she did..because a week later he was in the hospital in a coma. I was there by his side as he slipped away, but I'm not sure if he knew I was there. 

I wish he was still here for me to talk to, to give me strength as I go through difficult times. I want to tell him about my return to school, and my change of career. I want to ask him about his childhood and his life before I was born. 

I am grateful for the time that we had together, over 40 years..but it still was not enough. I think about him every day and miss him terribly. 

He was a very strong person, a hard worker, and full of love for me and my Mom. He was also very generous..a fact that was reinforced at his wake. Many people came up to me with stories about how he helped them out with cash, food, or just a shoulder to cry on. I was amazed at this other side of him, the one that others saw and now I was privy to. 

I can only hope that his spirit sees me somehow and he is still proud of me and my accomplishments. Towards the end of his life he was full of aches and pains, in and out of the hospital, and I cannot imagine going through what he did. I am not as strong as he was.

My Mom has dealt with his loss very well. I believe that we both gave each other strength in the first days after his passing, and our relationship has grown since those days. That is food for another posting, however. 

I am proud to be my father's daughter...and I realize that the hole in my heart will never heal, but the love that I was given will always be there inside me.

To my Dad, wherever you are: Thank you for being my "Daddy"...I love you.

A Quiet Day

Today was kind of rainy and cold..a good day to stay inside. I had written myself a "to-do" list yesterday, since this was the first Sunday that I had no football game to watch and no plans. (Last week I visited my Mom so I was busy all day.)

I vacuumed, folded laundry, spent a good part of the day on FaceBook chatted with friends, painted my toenails (blue!) and watched my taped episode of Hell's Kitchen. All in all, a productive day.

Tomorrow I have more things to do: I have to make an appointment to get my Schnauzer groomed and most importantly; I have to contact my doctor to get a note allowing me to complete my externship for school. Due to my back issues, the hospital requires medical clearance. 

Tuesday I plan to contact the equine clinic and discuss any positions they may have. I was a good applicant and faxed a thank you letter over to them last Friday. Now I just have to wait and see how things pan out and what the future has in store for me. 

More Interview News

I woke up today with my pain about a 5 on the pain scale. Usually when it gets to 5 or 6 I take a pain pill. I chose not to this morning, since I wanted to be sharp for the interview. First I spoke to the person who is going to be my proctor for my practicum. I can start as early as next week, I need to buy charcoal gray scrubs (to designate me as a student) and can complete the whole thing in 9 weeks. I'm planning to do my thing Sunday-Tuesday, which would leave the rest of the week open for work or any extra school stuff (and there is plenty..lots of essays to write about the practicum).

I toured the lab, was shown what I would be doing there, and lots of people came up to hug me & say hello. It was good to be missed! They were all excited when I told them I would be back for school. When I heard what the salary would be, I was a bit hesitant about this job. I think the hours would be 4 pm to 2 am, and besides that, I have to drive 45 minutes to get there. 3 days a week for school is enough driving! There is a vet hospital 5 minutes from my house looking for a tech, I will be putting my resume in there tomorrow.

I got home and I really didn't feel all that well. My back was hurting and I was anxious...I was tired...I got into my sweat pants and got on the couch to watch TV. I fell asleep for about an hour or so, then got up to eat dinner that my husband thoughtfully made for me.

I don't know if I'm not feeling well because my meds are making me feel that way, or if the prospect of going back to work scares me, or if the pain is wearing me out...or what.

I may just do my school thing for a few weeks to see what happens to me mentally and physically. That way I don't start something I can't finish.

Today's Job Interview

The day went well for me, even though I had to get up at the ungodly hour of 6am...something I haven't done for about a year..I'm SO tired right now~

The upshot is: I can't do the job I interviewed for because of my back, I need to be in perfect (or at least much better) physical condition to handle that job, much to my sadness and chagrin. However, the bright spot is that I was (obliquely) offered a position inside, answering phones, handling lab work, rotating stock of medications, etc.

I'm to call the clinic next week after I have my interview tomorrow, after I compare & contrast. The only issue is that we didn't discuss salary, hours, nothing relevant like that. This place is much closer and smaller than the hospital I'm going to tomorrow, but there would be more things I would be exposed to at the hospital.

I can choose between small, cosy, relaxed and close VS busy, more opportunities to learn & maybe new positions in the future.

 So as you can see there are many variables for me to ponder!

I will blog again tomorrow after my hospital interview.

A Job Interview!

I've been communicating with the vet hospital by email yesterday & today..and today's mail was very exciting. I found out that they want me to come in to interview for a lab position on Thursday (good news) and that they will be charging students $1/hour for any practicum time they need (semi bad news, that means I have to come up with $225..but I can get this practicum OVER WITH finally).

I will kill 2 birds with one stone, when I interview I will also meet with the nursing director to firm up my school plans. I'm excited but also nervous. I haven't worked in almost a year. I hope I don't have an anxiety attack during my interview! 

My back has been hurting me, I really don't need it to be acting up just when I'm trying to get my life back on track either. 

I have an interview of sorts tomorrow, with an ambulatory equine vet. I was hoping that I could work off the books while I did my school thing...but I don't know if they would do that. I will have to blog tomorrow about the results of that interview, then compare & contrast (just like in high school English class) it with Thursday's interview.

I hope I can get through all this.

Update on Practicum

I finally heard back from the director of nursing in regards to my practicum! She said she was going to discuss it with the powers that be over there at the vet hospital, and get back to me by this friday. Things are a-changing over there; they are making the students PAY for the learning experience, and I cannot use the vet that I was planning to use for my proctor. In any case, this is a step forward, since I have to complete the practicum before May or else my time runs out for the semester. 

There may also be a position open at the hospital, I would be a good fit since there is no lifting involved. I hope to hear back from someone this week about that as well.

My anxiety levels were up a little last week and this week, it could be that things are getting ready to change again in my life and I'm nervous; or it could just be the chemicals inside me making their presence known. I really hope I can do my schooling without incident, I don't want to be having a panic attack at an inopportune moment (not that there is a GOOD time for one).

Other than that, there is really nothing going on in my life right now..every day is the same, like Groundhog Day (I hate that movie but it sums up what I'm going through right now).

I hope to be able to blog about new and happy things by the end of this week!

Work Worries

My orthopedic surgeon wants to hold off on my back surgery, since my pain is getting better. He encouraged me to get back to work to see how my back (and the rest of me) holds up. So, I contacted my former place of employment, a large veterinary hospital where I was a tech. I left 2 messages with the HR director. No response. Yesterday I spoke to the vet whom I used to assist, and she told me they just hired someone to be her tech. Wonderful. Well, I still want to work there, so I contacted the personnel director, who, thankfully, answered her phone. She told me they were cutting back on jobs, there "may" be an opportunity for me, but nothing in the tech department, since lifting is contraindicated for me. 

This was very disheartening! I left a good job to go back to school to become a tech and work with animals, and now I find out that the only chance for me to work at this hospital would be in a non-animal job. 

Last night I thought of another option. I am supposed to be doing my practicum for school now, I was gearing up for it when my back went out. I emailed the personnel director with the request that I be allowed to complete my practicum there, then I could consider the other positions, should there be one available to me. Once I'm done with my practicum I would start my 2nd year of vet tech school.

Hopefully I will hear from her in a day or 2. In the meantime, I'm shocked at the state of the nation, that there are no jobs available and the resulting cut backs we all have to make. 

It's a cruel irony that I was told when I left that they would welcome me back, that I was a wonderful employee...only to be (almost) given the brush off now in these turbulent times.

I'm not truly ready to go to another place to work, since I'm still sorting out my depression and anxiety issues. Doing my practicum would slowly slide me back into a work environment and perhaps make me feel better as well.

I will keep you posted on my work progress.